Blessings

I can't remember what James asked for, but we told him we couldn't afford it right now. He got mad and said Heavenly Father wasn't helping us because Dad still didn't have a job.

But he was wrong. I have never seen the hand of the Lord in my life as much as I have these past months of unemployment. It's true that Rex still hasn't found a job. It's true that I've fight tooth and nail to get public assistance. But we also have never gone this long without an expensive mishap.

Think about it. How many months usually go by before you have an unexpected expense? The only car trouble we had was a flat tire and that wasn't very far from home and Rex came to my rescue, as did some friendly strangers (that didn't even speak English) who let me use their cell phone when mine was dead. The tire was shredded by the time I was able to pull off the freeway, and I was grateful to have been safe during that time. Most car repairs cost a fortune, but a tire replacement wasn't that bad, especially after learning we were finally awarded a ton in food stamps.

In addition to our cars running fine, not a single appliance has had any problems. When we first moved here, we were constantly fixing all the problems the previous owner had left. It seemed like as soon as I started one project, something else would crop up unexpectedly which demanded my attention elsewhere. But when I stopped working on all my projects to save money and give me time to help Rex find a job and apply for public assistance, all household problems ceased. Of course our house still needs some TLC; we didn't get to buy new windows or flooring for the upstairs or any of the other landscaping projects or updates we would have liked. But all the necessary projects had been completed and I don't feel like I live in a broken house anymore. Again, everything is in good working order from our stove and refrigerator to our A/C and furnace.

Once the weather got cooler, our electric bill went down. And the drought has eased as we are, even as I write this, receiving rain somewhat regularly. So our water bill has dropped drastically too. (I still kick myself for not planting the fall garden because I had thought it would have been as futile as the summer garden was. But at least I planted a few green beans, and our cover crop of clover is extremely healthy.)

We worried about how to give presents to our kids this Christmas, but I'm not as worried about that right now as maybe I should be. I have already decided that celebrating our 10-yr anniversary and my and Rex's birthdays can all be done without money. I plan on surfing the web to find some ideas for homemade toys. And if we can sell a few things on Craigslist, I plan on buying some things from there too.

In the past two years, despite having a pretty good income, I still felt like we didn't have much money. And in fact, much of that money was being used to fix up our house and make it a home. At the time, I felt guilty for not spending more money on others. For instance, while one family member gave every single cousin a toy for Christmas(and not a cheap one either), I felt ashamed that I only gave each household some backed goods. I suppose having the excuse of no income to spend on others lessens my guilt as it frees me from the obligation. But now with food stamps, I can give more than just baked goods. As long as it's edible, food stamps pays for all the cute prepackaged gifts too, and since we have it coming out of our ears, we can afford to be generous in that way. We still won't be able to give all the cousins cool toys, but at least I won't feel embarrassed with a simple plate of cookies.

Many days, I regret selling our condo and moving here to Texas but it is in fact a blessing because we have family here. It isn't as cozy and warm and fun as I'd imagined having family nearby, but we do get together for big events like birthdays and holidays, and the occasional play date. But our family does have our back. Some have sent us money, others have offered to pay for our help with household projects, one is extremely empathetic to our situation, and one is always helpful in fixing our computer problems. Furthermore, my in-laws are extremely generous, not only by moving in to help us with expenses, but also by putting up with us and our drama. I'm probably harder to live with than my fussing kids!

My kids are now on Medicaid so I don't even have to worry about paying co-pays, prescriptions, or (heaven forbid) ER visits. But I've been worried about those of us who are NOT insured. As my mother-in-law waited 6 months for Medicare to kick in, she has never gone this long without having to go to the hospital with a heart episode. Whenever one would crop up, she'd receive a priesthood blessing and the episode would subside on its own.

I've been very worried about myself, knowing that December is the month I usually get my nearly annual ear infection. Last year (also uninsured), I somehow managed to escape it. This year, however, right after I got my chronic laryngitis from this cold, the sinus congestion spread to my good ear and I knew I was in for it. I thought I'd be both deaf and mute by morning. As my hearing started to wane, I asked for a blessing, and for the first time, instead of being told that I'd simply be able to get rest until I could get adequate medical attention, I was told that my body would be able to fight off the infection on its own. Like my labor with Isaac, my ear infection progressed faster and more intensely than previous ones. By midnight, the eardrum finally burst and within half an hour, I was able to sleep. By 3am, my pain had almost completely left and my hearing had returned mostly to normal. While I am still miserable with this cold, I am immensely grateful that I was able to avoid paying out a fortune for a doctor visit and prescription, but even more than that, I am grateful that the usually drawn out excruciatingly painful infection was shortened and fixed on it's own.

While we haven't been blessed with added successes, I know that Heavenly Father has protected us in so many ways. I have no idea what is in store for us, and I'm still afraid of what lies ahead, but I know it won't last forever and we will be okay.