Mother's Day

I had the best Mother's Day to date. We celebrated by taking my mother-in-law to the Wildlife Ranch Safari and then out to Roberto's Mexican food. Then we had Black Forest sundaes. My husband has been showering me with gifts lately and calling it my mother's day present(s). As I mentioned before, Rex bought me a new wedding ring. Then I got some new plates because, now that we have more people in the household and the kids don't use their divider plates anymore, we don't have enough place settings for more than one meal and end up having to get plates out of the dishwasher every day and wash them to set for dinner. My in-laws bought me a Bug Book that I was intrigued by from the library and wanted to own (for gardening). To top it all off, the kids behaved fabulously for me. (Not so much for Rex, but they did for me. Megan was kind of sick and I stayed home from church with her. Then Isaac threw a fit because he didn't get to stay home too, and made himself throw up even though he wasn't sick, and Rex had to bring him home to me to.) But the thing I think I liked most about Mother's Day is my own reflection about being a mother.

Remember how much I despised the role? I remember counting down the hours till the kids went to bed (starting at about 6am in the morning) and then laying down for the night dreading the next day. I remember wanting to run away and never come home. I remember the screaming years quite vividly, when James couldn't communicate and Megan whined and cried all day long. It wasn't that long ago when Megan would scream in her room for hours and then make herself throw up or wet herself to get revenge. I remember putting the kids in their rooms to scream during dinner so I didn't have to eat with them doing it at the table. I remember sleepless nights when one or the other would go through their episodes of getting up every hour and coming into our room. I remember all the times I turned the car around and forfeited whatever errand or fun activity we planned because one or all of them wouldn't stop screaming or fighting. It seemed that 99% of my waking hours was misery...for years.

This past year, however, has put things into perspective and changed my attitude. First of all, my kids seemed to have finally grown out of babyhood and into real people! Mom, you were right; it does get better after babyhood. They can all talk and do things for themselves! No diapers (although still plenty of accidents from the middle one). No strollers or diaperbags. No screaming and fighting at the table (usually) and James almost always cleans his plate and tells me what a good cook I am. The kids sleep through the night (although they still get up way before dawn). They often play nicely together and quite often help each other. They help me too quite frequently (as long as it's not assigned). They actually like family home evening. They have all made some serious headway in being good, well-behaved kids. James alone is a totally different person than the boy he was when we moved here nearly 3 years ago. They all are. I actually enjoy being around them! I can't tell you how much nicer my home is these days!

And while it's hard for me to admit it, I am probably central in their development into these fine young children. I shudder to think who they'd be if I'd sent them to daycare. And heaven knows where James would be if he'd been without a coach and advocate! Rex is right: I am a good mother.

That realization is the number one lesson I learned during our trial of unemployment. Don't get me wrong; I've learned a lot of things this past year that I couldn't have learned any other way. But the most important thing I learned was to appreciate being a mom. I can do a hundred times more good at home not earning money than I could being the breadwinner. I honestly believe that if I had gone and taken some minimum wage job to help make ends meet, it probably would have undermined our entire household. Not only that, but I enjoy being a stay-at-home mom now. I would rather be right here at home than in any other career. Anyone who knew me before Rex lost his job would know what a giant contrast that is. Like most things, it took a hammer to the head to help me figure out my own heart and "be content with the things which the Lord has allotted unto me." Contentment isn't just being okay with something; it's embracing it. And I've learned to embrace motherhood.