To Lead and Follow

When I used to dance as a teenager, my biggest problem was trying not to lead. I would anticipate what my dance partner would do, and often it would not be what he was trying to get me to do. I attribute this to all the teaching I did, since most guys went to the dances because their girlfriends dragged them there so I had no partner but instead would teach everyone. Granted, I knew the man's part pretty well and was quite good at teaching it. But that meant I was a lousy follow, even if I did know all the steps and could do aerials.

When I re-entered the dance world after a 10 year hiatus, I had forgotten much of what I used to know. My amnesia proved beneficial because I had to feel everything I forgot in order to remember. I don't look at feet because that throws me off. I hate looking at myself in the mirrors around the room because it makes me feel self-conscious. That throws me off too. I like to pretend no one notices me, even if I know in the back of my mind that those sitting in chairs, like me, watch all the other people on the floor. To feel the steps, I had to trust my partner and go where he led me to go. Sometimes I wonder if it is bad or good for a newbie to dance with me because I will follow their lead or lack thereof, and a girl who anticipates instead of follows will do the move even if he didn't lead her into it. I thank all the men who dance with me, because the more variety of people you dance with, the less dependent you are on your own knowledge and the more practiced you become at following your lead.

So there is this one guy who is an amazing dancer. He is part of what I consider the elite clique, the group of about 6 people who dance almost exclusively with each other. Sure, if you ask them, they'll dance with you, but they will almost never ask someone outside their group, despite the fact that they are the main instructors that teach the classes prior to the social I go to. This guy I'm talking about has been in performances and competitions and is even a kinesiology major. I just find it amazing to watch him dance.

I'm sure my jaw dropped the first time he asked me to dance. I felt like an idiot because I couldn't follow him. I think he's asked me to dance about 5 times in the 6 or 7 months I've been attending, and every time, I am stunned and foot-tied. I thought at first that I was to blame, that I was too nervous to dance with someone so good. But the more experience I get and the different leads I follow, I have come to the even more astonishing conclusion that it's not my fault that I am so clumsy dancing with him! This amazing dancer is very good at the steps, but he is a terrible lead! The only way these elite female dancers are able to dance with him so well is by being so familiar with him (since they dance with him all the time) and by being so experienced themselves that they can anticipate and/or compensate. I am just astounded! Who knew?!

I am not saying this pridefully. It's simply my observation, and one I never would have made if I had not become better at following. If the guy doesn't communicate physically, you don't do it. Even Rex can attest to how awkward I looked dancing with this guy the other night. I was having so much trouble following him that I had to look down at his feet. Once I figured out what he was doing and could mimic it, he started doing something else and I got lost again! A good lead can make a girl do steps she never knew she knew.