Resolution: Taking My Life Back

"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." —Denis Waitley

I tried the former, and it has been miserable.  I'm trying the latter, and, oh my goodness, it's liberating and illuminating!  Like a rebirth.

• Say Yes.  When asked to go out to eat with friends, to go dancing (in Austin?), or even to be someone's dance partner, do it because you want to, despite money, family, or other excuses of priorities and obligations.
• Just Say No:  say "no" to more requests from others when I really don't want to do it.
• Don't feel obligated about Visiting Teaching; I've asked them over and over again not to change my route every 2-3 months, and since they won't listen to me, they need to realize I was serious when I told them I would quit.  If I'm as valuable and dependable as they claim, then they should respect that and let me continue doing a good job instead of messing with things.  So...this goes along with Just Say No.
• Don't feel guilty when I skip Family Home Evening.
• Don't feel guilty about motherhood.
• Stop saying "I'm sorry" needlessly.
• Allow myself to go dancing a LOT.  It's my absolute favorite thing in life.  Diversify dancing too.
• Don't limit my running because of time.
• Get back into kickboxing, tennis, basketball.  Add more when time and opportunity arise.
• Try new things, even though they cost too much.
• Make education a higher priority; take more classes despite family commitment.
• Don't worry so much about what's for dinner; it's okay to throw in a pizza or make hotdogs.
• Allow myself the time to write.  Letters, emails, thank yous, opinions, and stories.  Consider continuing the novel I started.
• Allow myself to make mistakes, even when done on purpose. Stop living up to everyone else's ideal of me (intentionally or unintentionally).
• Stop being everything for everyone.  Let them sink or swim; don't be their lifeboat.
• Stop worrying about the future of my family.  What will be, will be.  
• Stay stubborn.  It is not a bad thing.  When people pressure me, I balk.  As the years have gone by, I've caved because of the other things on this list.  So I need to get back my resistance.  Only do things I want to and am willing to do. 
• Don't pick up the slack.  If others don't do it, let it remain undone.  I should not be responsible for everything.
• Stretch my comfort zone.  Go alone.  Meet strangers.  Do things that scare me, socially in particular.  (All with safety, mind you.) That's what I did when I was younger. After meeting Rex, I hid behind his social prowess.  I need to reclaim my courage.
• Remember that choosing the right includes choosing the right for me. (It's not only about God's will.  We are allowed to "have our righteous desires.")
• Stop thinking I am selfish for having wants and desires; wants and desires are needs too.  Everyone deserves to have their needs met.  It doesn't mean I have an entitlement mindset; it means I value myself at least as much as I value others.
• Play hostess.  Invite families over for dinner at least twice a month on Sundays.  Throw parties.  Invite women over for lunch or out to a restaurant.  Arrange double dates, facebook events, multi-family picnics/bbqs/outings. BE the party, even if people don't show up.
• Don't wait for Someday.  11 years for the kids to grow up and move out is too long.  By then, there won't be a shred of me left. I once said in Sailing With Destiny, that "I just need to remember to be patient. Hold fast to the bowlines till your passengers are safely ashore before you catch the trade winds. If you are too anxious to steer your own course, you might miss Destiny and all the adventures that await."  But I was wrong.  I've let Destiny steer my course, and I did indeed lose sight of who I was and all that I could become.  I sailed someone else's ship.  But the voyage is not over.  I learned things and grew in ways I could not have done so if I'd not allowed the wind to take me where it would, but it's time to take the helm and get back on course.
• Make it so.  I am a self-motivated individual.  If something needs to get done, I plunge right in and keep at it until the job is finished.  If I say I'm going to do something, I do it without hesitation.  But I've held back in everything I wanted to do because my "wish list" is never part of my "to-do list".  It's time the two lists merge.
• Let go.  Breathe.  Stop thinking. 
• Smile.
• Laugh.
• Live.  Now.

*This is not a list of New Year's Resolutions or Goals.  This is a declaration of will. Many of these things I have already set in motion in the last 3 months.  I'm just writing it down to make sure I stick with it.

*Please note: for those that may think this midlife crisis thing means I'm going apostate, don't worry, I'm not.  This is about ceasing to neglect myself, remembering who I am underneath the title of wife and mother.

Interesting reads, AFTER I figured out where I was going:
The Myth of Finding Your Purpose
There's More to Life than Being Happy
Growing Down
Passion 
Ignite Your Life