Speak Out

"Julie, I was sad when they released you from teaching Relief Society. You always had the most profound and interesting points of view."

"The main reason I miss Relief Society when I was called to be in Primary is your lessons."

"I love your facebook posts. You always say what everyone else is afraid to say."

Are you kidding me? I have picked my jaw up off the ground numerous times in the last month. I have been hearing this from many people lately. Church members and non church members. It is the biggest compliment, the most amazing thing anyone could EVER tell me.

I figured everyone hated me. After being laughed at for asking a question in class once, being completely shut down from everyone else in class from the people who disagreed with my comments, and from getting hate emails and hateful comments on facebook posts of mine, I figured I didn't have many allies inside the Church. I had been told by people I trusted and whose opinions mattered to me that I was tactless, negative, and cold-hearted.

First, acceptance of who I was came from non-members. After being scarred from my 6th Grade Shunning, I've found that most grown-ups of other faiths are fine with my Mormon religion and don't get upset if they disagree with me. I figured they must just feel like they didn't know me well enough to give me what-for. But those are the people who've told me in person and in emails not to worry about those people who have gotten offended. I should not stop standing up for my personal beliefs, and they themselves did not find my comments offensive at all.

I feared teaching in Relief Society because my views are anything BUT your typical Mormon point of view. Yes, people have thanked me for my lessons or said they really liked them, but until recently, I figured they were just being kind and polite. Except for the one time I gave a lesson on Chastity and I ended up giving the floor to all the women who NEEDED to express themselves about how they were taught that sex was evil and how hard it was to move past that onto a healthy sexual relationship within marriage. That particular time, not only did so many people thank me, but I even got an email from a new sister in the ward who thanked me profusely and asked me for more material to read because she knew I'd prepared a lot but didn't get to the meat of the lesson because of all the comments.

Today, when I told my visiting teacher that I work so hard not to offend people while still being true to myself, she thanked me and said she and a bunch of other women at church were talking about how much they LOVE that I say what they all wish they had the courage to say. [First, it's crazy to me to think that I'm even significant enough for people to talk about, negatively or positively. Second, I never knew anyone else agreed with my opinions.] She said she used to be more brave in speaking out but has become scared that people won't like her, and she told me never to lose my voice.

I was astonished. She didn't HAVE to say that just to be nice. She really meant it! And I find more and more people in this ward who believe similar things to me that are outside the LDS cultural norm. Even if no one else will stand with me, at least they have let me know they are not against me. [I love this ward.]

Why is it that we are so scared of what others think about us that we don't stand up alongside those who have our same beliefs? Aren't we taught we have strength in numbers? Aren't we taught to bear one another's burdens? Aren't we taught to unite as sisters in Zion? Please, if you are on their side (whichever side that is), stand with them so they know they are not alone. Don't shrink back because you are afraid they'll cast you both out. There are more people like you than you realize; we just need to come out of the dark and let ourselves be known.

***

On facebook a week after I wrote this, a friend of mine posted: "Just another reason that I have started to become a private person. I really should remember to keep things to myself MORE!" -- I don't know what had happened, but I can only imagine she was burned by friends. This is exactly what I'm talking about: we close ourselves up because the people we open up to reject us.

***

I was reading one of the general conference talks the other day. It was called "Dare to Stand Alone," given by President Monson. He says "May we ever be courageous and prepared to stand for what we believe." The talk focused on standing up for our religious faith, but when I was reading it, I applied it to all aspects of ourselves and what we believe, whether that belief is religious or otherwise. It's a good read, even if you are not Mormon.