Once again, I have turned down an invitation to be someone's dance partner. This makes #4 in my lifetime. The other times, it was an opportunity to be part of a performance team. And the people who asked me were mediocre themselves. This time, it was mainly to become better dancers, and perhaps to compete. This last time, while I didn't bat an eye, it hurt the most.
He is by far my favorite person to dance with (other than Rex) and he could teach me so very, very much. He has insisted for a long time that I have the potential to be one of THE top dancers. The thing is, when he says this, it isn't meant as flattery; he is picky and travels around to other cities because he doesn't think there is anyone else worth dancing with here. Granted, he dances with everyone and is very gracious about it, and you'd never know he felt that way unless he came outright and said so. But apparently, he only goes to the Tuesday social if I am going to be there. For some reason, he thinks I'm the best Westie here in San Antonio. Crazy, because I know several other women who are much better than me.
He is religious and respectful, and offered to hold practice at my house while Rex was there. But how could I dedicated 1-2 nights a week to dance with someone who is not my husband, on top of going out to a social dance 1 night a week? I can't do that to the one and only man I ever really wanted to dance with! As much as it tears at my heart, there is something I love more than dancing. I gave it up dancing once when we got married -- I mourned the loss for several years. I have been trying to keep it at bay ever since I got back into it. Like a drug, I can't afford to be addicted to it. It's hard to resist, but I think I've managed a good balance. And it certainly helps that the one thing I love more than dance itself has started to share in my dancing.
I know for certain I am not dancing to my potential. But there is always a trade off. If I spent the time and money on improving my dance, my family would be neglected. While I absolutely love to dance, it is a passion that must be bridled so that it never comes before my husband.
People say being a stay-at-home mom is a waste of a woman's potential. Likewise, people might say I am squandering a great talent by not persuing dance. But you know, a great many people have amazing talents that go undeveloped because they must provide for their family or because society doesn't value their talent. Almost no one can make a living in the Arts. Some do it as a side job or simply a hobby they pour money into. Any way you look at it, talents are sacrifices one makes on behalf of oneself. After being a Child of God, I am first a Wife, and second a mother. I must remember that I already have what everyone else in this world wants and very few seem to be able to hold on to.
Dance is, and must always be, just a hobby. And one in which I cannot afford to invest greatly. I have no desire to compete since I have nothing to prove. If I were to teach dance, then I would have to prove myself and therefore I would need to compete. If life hadn't taken me where it has, if I were single and didn't have kids, if all I had to love was dance, then I wouldn't hesitate to accept such offers. But there are indeed more important things than dance. So for myself, it must suffice that dancing remain an outlet of calmness, clarity, and enjoyment.
But oh how it hurts to say no!
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