The Recipe
• The solution: 6-12 glasses per day 8 oz water 2 Tbspn fresh lemon juice 2 Tbspn pure maple syrup, grade B 1/8 tspn cayenne pepper (They call it lemonade, but it should be called syrup swill)
• Salt water flush: 1 time in the morning 1 quart water 1 tspn non-iodized sea salt
• Herbal laxative: 1 pill at night (I don’t think this part is necessary when you do the salt water fast; we kept forgetting during the last half.)
Day 1: Fast Sunday
I could only down half a quart of salt water. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, but I was really full after ½ a quart and thought I would puke if I drank anymore. It was satisfactory though because it worked its magic just fine within 15 minutes.
I thought the salt water flush was going to be the hard part. The lemonade sounded kind of appetizing, except for the heat of the cayenne pepper. We finally got around to crushing a bunch of the peppers I had hanging in the bathroom since last summer. (We didn’t keep the seeds.) Let me tell you – I will crush a bunch more next time I’m congested because it sure cleared me out!
I often conveniently forget to fast on Fast Sunday because I hate feeling hungry. Today, I couldn’t very well say I was fasting because I was drinking the master cleanse solution throughout the day, but it felt like I was fasting for real.
They say you aren’t supposed to be hungry on this diet, that the solution has all the calories you need to give you energy and stay satisfied. Well, that may be true if you drink more than the minimum 6 glasses per day. But forcing down those 6 glasses was hard enough. Apparently, pure maple syrup doesn’t taste a thing like the imitation syrup we normally use on pancakes. It smells and tastes like molasses, just maybe not as strong. It’s vile stuff. I didn’t have a problem with the cayenne. Actually, I couldn’t taste anything but the maple syrup. If only the lemonade tasted like lemon! I almost threw up each time I drank it. Then I’d clear the pallet by brushing my teeth.
Giving the kids their food wasn’t so bad, but Rex had a hard time not licking the peanut butter off his fingers. I had a hard time not licking the chocolate frosting off mine when I gave them chocolate cake for dessert. It was disappointing drinking water instead of eating popcorn while watching a movie that night.
Day 2: Monday
The salt water flush was a cinch after the previous day’s experience with the lemonade. Again, however, I only downed half a quart, but I’m sure it was enough. We are surprised that neither of us flush out all that much so far. Maybe it gets worse after a few more days.
I dread each glass, but I am getting better and better at slamming it down. I’ve got a system. I have a toothbrush ready with toothpaste sitting on the counter next to some mouthwash. Funny, I used to hate mouthwash, but now I think it’s my savior. I take a deep breath and gulp the lemonade down, try to hold my breath long enough to swish with water to clean out any pulp and cayenne. As soon as I take a breath, I taste the maple syrup and gag. But I scrub my teeth and tongue as fast as I can to get rid of the taste and then gargle with mouth wash and I’m fine. Less than 2 minutes and I’m good again.
I haven’t been craving food as much as I’ve been craving not having to drink the nasty crap. I am sure I’m not drinking as much as I should because I’m very hungry. And Rex is ravenous. I will have to drink more than 6 per day, but right now, I’d rather feel hungry than choke down more of that stuff. And I know Rex especially needs more. Now that I’ve gotten down my method of slamming it down, I hope to drink more of it tomorrow. I really don’t know if I can do this for 10 days.
Feeding the kids wasn’t so hard today. Rex was having a harder time with the smell of food than me (which is weird to me since I think I like to eat more than he does). I tried to run interference for him. I made them eggs for dinner while he was still running an errand (which was easy for me to resist since I hate the taste/smell of eggs), but he walked in just as I was serving them.
I went running in the evening because I couldn’t find the time in the morning. It was 95 degrees at 7pm and I didn’t want to push myself in that heat with nothing in my system, so I only went 3 miles instead of my usual 5 and I was fine.
We forgot to close the day with an herbal laxative. Oh well.
Day 3: Tuesday
Warm salt water is easier to drink than cold or room temperature. It’s no big deal, but I can’t get more than half a quart down.
I am getting better at gulping down the swill. I don’t taste is till I take a breath, and I didn’t gag on it at all today. Just gulb, breathe, brush, gargle, and I’m through. I planned on drinking more than 6 glasses of it, but I couldn’t bring myself to, despite being hungry. The instructions are to drink a glass whenever you get hungry, but sometimes you are away from home when your stomach starts to growl. Besides, we were running low on maple syrup and it’s not something you can just run to Walmart for. I had bought more on amazon.com but it wouldn’t be till at least Wednesday afternoon when it would arrive in the mail.
I got a head ache at the end of the day, even though I tried to drink more water today. It never went away, even when I took pain killer for it.
For Megan’s birthday, we continued the tradition of taking them out to eat wherever they requested. It was Burger King again so it wasn’t really a temptation for me, but I hated throwing away the French fries they wouldn’t finish. (Rex stayed home to avoid the temptation.) We took them to the Dollar Theater and smuggled in popcorn and juice boxes like usual and that didn’t bother me much. (It was much harder for Rex who likes things with salt.) Getting food for the kids at home wasn’t a problem until I dished up chocolate ice cream for dessert. I was a good girl and didn’t lick the ice cream scoop.
Rex and I went to a dance that night and I had plenty of energy. Rex’s energy was spent that morning mowing the lawn, etc. but he danced with me some anyway. It was weird coming home that evening and having a snack of that revolting juice instead of a couple of oranges or a piece of nutella toast.
Day 4: Wednesday
I went running first thing this morning like I normally do M/W/F but only went 3 miles instead of 5. It was a very hard run; my legs didn’t want to move and I was exhausted by mile 2. I was also not just sweaty but completely drenched. Granted, it was nearly 80 degrees with 60% humidity already, but I don’t usually get that sweaty until later in the summer when mornings start out in the 90’s. I don’t like to go running after drinking or eating because it guarantees a side ache and a full stomach slows me down. Besides, the longer I wait, the hotter the day gets and the more delayed I am in starting the day.
So my salt water flush was delayed because I needed to re-hydrate myself first and I was then too full of water to down that glass of salt. But when I got to it, it seemed to take a lot longer for it to go through my system. The first time, it took 10 minutes to flush out; yesterday, it took about ½ an hour; today, it took about 1 hour. The horror stories of the things that come out of people during this flush have not made themselves manifest so far. I just surprised that there is stuff coming out besides the salt water.
Between the fact that I am still expelling stuff during the flush and the fact that I sweat profusely even when I didn’t have anything in my body, I think that maybe this lemonade solution really is detoxifying my body.
I had plenty of energy for dancing tonight.
I tried really hard to drink more water today, and I consider myself successful with 64 ounces (8 8-oz glasses). I still did not consume more than 6 glasses of solution. I will have to cram more in tomorrow.
Day 5: Thursday
Salt water was no problem. I eliminated within an hour, but I’m still wondering when I’ll pass gobs of bad stuff that’s supposed to be hiding inside me.
I was trying to use more energy than I had today. And then I ran into a brick wall around 4pm. And I became really cranky. I know I didn’t drink nearly enough water, and again, I needed more glasses of the liquid crud. However, I tried to recoup my energy by drinking 1 glass per hour for 4 hours that evening (making it a total today of 9 glasses) and my stomach was still growling. I’ve been craving everything under the sun, and it didn’t help that I had to go grocery shopping (to get more lemons and some instant food for the kids while I’m not cooking).
I had begun to think that I was developing a tolerance to the concoction because I had stopped gagging and the taste didn’t seem as potent. But when my stomach wanted to eat itself up, I nearly threw up again. I took a mental note not to let myself get that hungry again, and the subsequent swigs went down easier.
I’m more cynical today about this diet. I hope I’m not doing this for nothing; the beginning of summer is when all the yummy fruit is ripe and I love fruit almost as much as chocolate. My goal is to cleanse my insides but I wonder if I will even know if that happens. Furthermore, while my goal is not to lose weight, I suppose if I lose (and keep off) 5 pounds, I will be happy. People report losing tons of weight on this diet, but counting calories never ever worked for me before. The only way I ever lost weight was by not trying.
You’d think I would be saving money by not eating anything. On the contrary, I am spending at least as much as usual. The cheapest pure maple syrup is about $21.00 for a 32 oz jug, and we use 2 tablespoons per glass. We’ve already gone through 2 jugs in 5 days. Plus, the kids are eating worse because I’m not cooking, which equates to more expensive foods for them. (They are enjoying it.)
I’m dreaming of watermelon for the day I get off the diet – since you can’t just eat solid food after a 10-day liquid diet. They recommend fresh-squeezed orange juice, but oranges are 58 cents each at Walmart/HEB. Ah, but I just spied La Fiesta has Valencia oranges for 25 cents each – I’ll have to price match on my last day.
Day 6: Friday
I ran 3 miles this morning. It wasn’t as hot as Wednesday and I wasn’t as tired but I didn’t want to push myself without anything in my body; I sweat only as much as normal. Maybe last time, it was only due to the heat. Or maybe I was getting toxins out then and don’t have much left now. Who knows?
I didn’t drink as much as I should have this day either, but I didn’t do badly. However, I was very weak by the end of the day and had a head ache that wouldn’t go away.
I’m hating this diet and can’t wait till my 10 days are up. I’m going to see it through to the end though. So many testimonials on the internet talk about how wonderful they feel and how the diet has motivated them to become vegetarians or even vegans. I don’t know what they are talking about – this is making me want to eat everything unhealthy. A chocolate brownie sundae with Oreos sounds good, and so does Mexican food with tons of guacamole.
Day 7: Saturday
I don’t want to drink this stuff anymore! I hate it! I want food! I am tired of feeling weak and tired. I’m tired of nasty-water and plain water. I am tired of peeing every 20 minutes. I drank more than usual today because I feel especially run down and hungry. My to-do list keeps growing because I don’t have the energy to do anything.
I think I drank about 8 glasses of sludge and as much water as I could. I was still weak all day long. We tried to take the kids to a walking park, but we had zero energy so the kids just played on the tiny playground and then we left. (Actually, the advertised event was not what had been described and we were all disappointed.) Rex and I didn’t have much energy for the dance party we went to, and watching everyone eat made our stomachs growl and churn. When we got home, neither of us could bring ourselves to drink another dose of the concoction despite how hungry we were.
Day 8: Sunday
I still say the salt water is the easy part. The strange part about today was that I wasn’t very hungry. It wasn’t until noon that I drank my first brew. Rex hadn’t slept well at night so he was sleeping most of the morning and I just waited for him because I simply wasn’t hungry. Throughout the day, I had more energy than the other days and didn’t drink as much. I don’t understand it. Maybe this is how anorexics are able to starve themselves; maybe their bodies get used to not eating. I don’t like that idea.
Day 9: Monday
Again, I didn’t seem very hungry today. Apparently, not eating does get easier. They say that after mile 3, you get a runners high (which I disagree with, by the way). I think that after day 7, you get a starvation high, sort of. Just because I’m not hungry doesn’t mean I have ceased dreaming of yummy foods; I like to eat because I like the taste of things, not because I need to make my stomach stop growling. Feeding the kids hasn’t been hard either. I’m even giving them a frozen pizza and, while very appealing to me right now, it isn’t that hard to resist. I also have plenty of energy, although I haven’t been trying to do anything strenuous. Rex, on the other hand, chopped wood for nearly an hour in the heat so he was thoroughly spent.
Day 10: Tuesday
We had fully planned on going the full 10 days, but we used up the rest of the syrup for the foul tonic by 4pm. We were not about to pay more money for something so gross just for the remainder of the day. So we got to have watermelon for dinner! I had plenty of energy for dancing and I got to eat cherries when I came home that night. Yum!
My opinion about the Master Cleanse: I don’t feel like it cleansed me. Sure, it emptied me. But the premise is that everyone eats crap and that it clogs up our colons, not to mention that everyone on earth has parasites whether they think they do or not. This diet is supposed to rid yourself of all of that. Well, either I didn’t have much to get rid of, or you must be on this diet longer than 10 days to see results, or else it doesn’t work at all.
I admit that it has been very nice having a flat tummy and being able to fit into the jeans I’d been wanting to wear that fit everywhere except the waist. But I fear that it will all be over when I put food in my belly again. The scale says I lost 10 pounds, but I expect that to go back up at least 5 pounds when I’m no longer starving myself. I will update this post in a week to record the final result.
Post-Diet Day 1
I thought I was feeling pretty good and thought the whole idea of "easing off the diet" by drinking orange juice the whole next day was over the top. Rex had no side effects when he ate his vice of potato chips and sour cream and a whole bunch of other heavier stuff than my assortment of fruit. So I thought it was safe to eat a slice of Nutella toast and about 10-15 chocolate kisses. About 4pm, my stomach started complaining, and for the next 4 hours, I was visiting the bathroom regularly. I was in misery. So I'm planning on foregoing the sweets tomorrow. Darn it -- I want my chocolate!
Post-Diet Day 4
My Conclusion: The Master Cleanse is really a crash diet that starves your body of nutrition and you drop pounds rapidly because you are not consuming calories. When you eat less, your body starts to require less, which is often why people plateau when they are on a diet; if you eat more than what your body got used to using, the weight comes back. I am 4 pounds heavier this morning than I was yesterday morning. While my tummy shrunk an inch or so, I also believe my muscle mass shrunk too. I felt fatigued during and after the diet and am working on rebuilding my stamina for my 5-mile-run. Once off the diet, I loved the taste of food way more than before and it was hard not to over eat. Furthermore, I felt constipated because I was no longer flushing my system with the salt water laxative and I worry that my body has become dependent. I believe this diet is dangerous and encourages anorexia. As one MD put it, "As a detoxification regimen, Master Cleanse is both unnecessary and ineffective. Your colon is not a septic tank, building up toxic contents, that needs periodic cleaning. Rather, it is an elegantly evolved perpetually self-cleaning system that empties on a regular, or as-needed, basis." Furthermore, according to GI doctors, laxatives used in colon cleanses cause bentonite clay to build up and form what they claim to be getting rid of; the product itself produces the very condition that it claims to treat! So overall, I think it neither cleanses nor loses permanent weight and I would not recommend this diet to anyone. I wasn't concerned about losing weight, but it is disheartening to see a flat belly and fit into size 0 and then have it puff out again a few days later.
No comments:
Post a Comment