Growing up with boys, and not particularly fond of anything girly, it's taken me much longer than most females to establish any sort of fashion sense. I detest shopping of all kinds and clothes shopping is the worst!
I once got my nails done as a high school graduation gift from my mom, and it was the worst experience ever! Why would anyone put themselves through that pain -- not to mention the noxious fumes -- for something that makes your hands useless? And why in the world would I want to draw attention to my short, stubby fingers anyway? My hands are utilities, not flowers. Can you imagine how silly it would be to have a french manicure on hands stained with purple primer? Seriously, I use my hands too much for such nonsense!
In an attempt to be wild, I dyed my hair blond when I was 17, and left it blond until after I got married. Crazy, I know: a blond California girl! It was too much trouble dying it once a month when the roots grew out, and I didn't want to fork out the money for the dye either.
When I was younger, I really had no sense of what clothes looked good (only what I thought looked bad), and I didn't know back then that Juniors was the in-between size for Girls and Womens. In fact, I don't think I even knew there was such a category. See how clueless I was?
When I was 21, a bunch of women from church organized a Girl's Night Out, and I dreaded going with them window shopping! Really? What's the point of that? When I go shopping, I have a plan and I get in and out as fast as possible. Why would you look for things you have no plans to buy? To torment yourself, wishing your body was as thin as your wallet? The logic eludes me still.
On that particular visit to the mall, we were perusing the racks of women's clothing, and my friend exclaimed "Oh my gosh! Look at this!"
"Yeah, I know," I said. "So gaudy!"
"Oh..." she said quietly. "I thought it was cute."
So typical of me to say exactly the wrong thing! I wanted to crawl under a rock. She had said it in such a way that could be interpreted to mean she thought it was gorgeous or ugly. Since I thought it was hideous, I thought she did too. Just goes to show how different we all are in our taste in fashion! After that, I understood how a man would feel if a woman asked him if something made her look fat. (And I am definitely guilty of asking. What's he going to say? Fortunately, I have a husband who knows I am asking because I really want the truth, and sometimes, the answer is yes, which I appreciate. Of course, he would never say "fat" but he does agree to "unflattering." This is a rare occasion, mind you; he says I always look good. Of course he would.)
I'm terrible at lying, so anyone would be able to detect when I gave an insincere compliment. Instead, I've come up with a few phrases that are truthful and complimentary, even when I think how they look is unattractive. They say that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. But sometimes, to refrain from saying anything about a big change they've made is a silent way of saying you don't like it, and I feel obligated to say something nice, even if it is a stretch. (Since I may give said compliment to someone who might read this, I will not divulge my secret codes.)
I've evolved a great deal in my fashion awareness. I blame it on marriage waking up the femininity in me. (Blasted emotions!) And I am embarrassed to admit that I have transformed into one of those ridiculous girls who try on a million outfits before finally deciding on one. Then changing again before leaving the house. (No, I don't do this all the time. Only when I am trying to feel pretty. Or when I feel particularly ugly.) But even though I might have more fashion sense and have even adopted my own style, I am still pretty in the dark about a lot of girly terms and things. It wasn't until the last year that I learned what a "shrug" was and what kind of fabric "tulle" was.
So what ARE my tastes? Well, I'll tell you what they are NOT:
• Skinny jeans on girls. Remember the days when it was fashionable to wear leggings? It's one of those 80's styles that has returned. Now, I'm a fan of the 80's but there are lots of styles from that era that I just don't like. I consider skinny jeans to be like leggings. Believe it or not, I have a pair. Actually, I have 2. Yes, and today, I wore one of them for the first time -- with boots -- the only way I think they should be worn. And boots are the only thing I think pants should be tucked into. ...still waiting to see girls tucking their tapered jeans into their socks like we did in 2nd grade.
• Skinny jeans on boys. I know this is a bit off topic as I am mostly talking about female fashion. But since I'm talking about jeans, I have to address this issue. If you are going for the gay look, that’s fine. But if you are straight, don’t be surprised if I mistake you otherwise. I think it’s another 80’s thing, only I think they pulled it off better in the 80’s. When I think skinny jeans on guys, I think of Kevin Bacon in She’s Having a Baby when he learns he is sterile because he wore tight jeans for so many years… My husband also gripes that most of men’s jeans have cute designs on the pockets too these days, so he can’t find any pants. And while we are on the topic of men's pants, I will also say NO to Saggy, Baggy Bottom Boys.
• Capri’s. I call them high-waters. Or Erkle pants. Maybe other people can get away with them, but for someone with legs as short as mine, it looks ridiculous! Honestly, if I tried on a pair of capri’s they would actually come down to my ankles. After all, I have to chop 2-6 inches off every pair of jeans I buy. Maybe I should just buy capri’s and save myself the hassle of getting out the sewing machine.
•Boot cut/flare leg jeans. These are comfy but not flattering on me. And it’s hard to avoid because most jeans I find are made this way, and I have to chop off so much from the bottom of the legs that they end up flaring out even more. This leaves me looking even shorter than I already am, with legs that are even stockier than they really are. What can a shorty do?
•Mom jeans. These were the only kind of jeans there were until about 5 years ago when the waist line started falling. I totally appreciate the shorter waistline because I do not have a long torso.
•Longs. This one needs an explanation: what do you call shorts that go to your knees? Bermuda shorts? This is a classic example of my fashion illiteracy. Whatever it is really called, I hate them on me! Like I said, I have virtually no legs, so having to wear long shorts isn’t “shorts” at all. That’s why I call them “longs.” And due to my religious modesty standards, I cannot wear anything shorter than that. Thus, I always feel embarrassed to be seen in public in them. When such shorts only show about 3 or 4 inches of leg, what’s the point? I might as well be wearing pants!
So that is all about jeans, I know. Here's a note about tops: falling out of your top, either your bust or your belly, is tacky. Both could be classified as muffin top if you ask me.
Other than that, I can't tell you what I like or don't like about certain styles, but if you see my wardrobe, there is a trend. And it all comes from the thrift store because I'm a cheapskate like that. Fifty dollars for a shirt? You gotta be kidding. No, I will not spend more than $5.
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