Personal Radiation

A couple months ago, someone told me that I exuded goodness. This person could see in me, before even officially meeting me, that I was kind, sweet, friendly, good, and genuine. When he first told me this, I thought he must be seeing something he just wanted to see. He didn't even know me, so how could he get this impression? What told him this? I'd like to think it was an accurate assessment, but maybe this was just something he projected onto me for some reason.

In recent weeks, I asked Rex about this, especially since I feel like I have a history of running people off, women in particular. If I am kind and good, why do so many people avoid me? His opinion is that people can sense my authenticity and most people find it overwhelming and/or intimidating, but there are some that think my being unpretentious is appealing. The "goodness" term made me uncomfortable because I hate being thought of as a goody-goody. But Rex insisted that "good" did not imply Molly Mormon, but instead a genuine living of what I feel is right. I still attribute this to people mistaking me for being much younger than I really am, and thereby perceiving that I am naive and innocent like a child. But it just occurred to me that if Rex is correct, that perception could be reversed: my honesty and genuineness might contribute to that youthful assumption. After all, children are synonymous with being guileless.

I remembered young women lessons and the lyrics of a song by Janice Kapp Perry called "His Image in Your Countenance." I thought of how the Light of Christ shines through us as we live His way. People are said to see our love and light and purity, a beauty from within. My patriarchal blessing even says "I bless you in your social relationships with others, that you may radiate the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ and be thought of as a good friend and an example of light and truth." Was that what he was seeing? I often feel inadequate when people at church talk about how others can see we are Mormon because we are shiny happy people laughing (oops, that's REM, not LDS). I don't have that big, bright, constant smile. I wish I did, but I don't. And I don't observe that about other Mormons either. It's just something I think we like to say about our people. So, no, I don't think I was radiating that "Mormon Glow."

Whatever the case, I was very surprised by this person's observation of me. It got me to thinking about a quote by David O. McKay that I read years ago:

"There is one responsibility which no man can evade and that responsibility is personal influence. Man's unconscious influence, the silent, subtle radiation of his personality. The effect of his words and acts. These are tremendous. Every moment of life he is changing to a degree the life of the whole world. Every man has an atmosphere which is affecting every other. Man cannot escape for one moment from this radiation of his character. This constantly weakening or strengthening of others. He cannot evade the responsibility by saying it is an unconscious influence. He can select the qualities he would permit to be radiated. He can cultivate sweetness, calmness, trust, generosity, truth, justice, loyalty, nobility, and make them vitally active in his character. By these qualities he will constantly affect the world. This radiation to which I refer comes from what a person really is, not from what he pretends to be. Every man by his mere living is radiating sympathy, sorrow, or morbidness, cynicism, or happiness or hope, or any other hundred qualities. Life is a state of radiation and absorption. To exist is to radiate. To exist is to be the recipient of radiation."

A lesser known quote by the same man on the same subject says:

“Every man and every person who lives in this world wields an influence, whether for good or for evil. It is not what he says alone, it is not alone what he does. It is what he is. Every man, every person radiates what he or she is. Every person is a recipient of radiation…. It is what we are and what we radiate that affects the people around us…. If we think noble thoughts, if we encourage and cherish noble aspirations, there will be that radiation when we meet people.”

It got me to wondering what else I was radiating besides goodness.  Do I weaken or strengthen those around me?  Do I exude happiness or cynicism?  And if I am radiating negative qualities, how can I change that?  This influence is not one that you just decide to exhibit like "I think I'll smile and say something nice so I can radiate kindness."  No, according to this philosophy, it is an aura, not an action; you radiate what you ARE, not just what you DO.

This same person who thought I radiated these nice good-girl qualities spread his own radiation far and wide. At first, it reminded me of a book I'd read a long time ago called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This guy did all of the things the author recommended to make people like you, except this wasn't an act. He did these things naturally because that was the kind of person he was.
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

I was dumbfounded by the way this guy could make a neglected older lady or a shy timid wallflower feel appreciated. I watched as he'd smile at someone or talk with them and they would brighten and smile too; his happiness spread to everyone he touched and showed in their body language. He learned someone's name, used it while speaking to them, and never seemed to forget it. He was complimentary and lifted everyone around him. I was so amazed by this influence and found it captivating to watch. The most remarkable thing of all was that he didn't even have to do these things to lift the mood of those around him; his mere presence imbued the environment with sunshine.

Who doesn't want to be around someone like that? I was lucky enough to make friends with this person and, during that time, I was infused with the same feelings of happiness. It was like his radiation rubbed off on me and breathed life into me. I felt more energetic, more alive, more inspired. With all that energy, I increased my running from 5 miles 3 times a week to 6 or 7 miles 6 times a week. I felt more confident on the dance floor, allowed myself to let go a little more, and was able to add a little more style. I was more cuddly and affectionate with my husband. The creative juices started flowing through my fingers and I started to write more. I felt a renewed desire to be more and do more, although it also had the negative affect of feeling more trapped by my circumstances that don't allow me to do more. It was like I basked in proverbial sunshine and photosynthesized; I woke up and felt rejuvenated just by this one friend's personal radiation.

While I was searching the web for the quote by David O. McKay, I came across the most beautiful description on someone's blog of this type of person. Every once in a while, you meet a person who is naturally happy and fun, who injects enthusiasm and passion into everything and everyone around them. They make life a joy. They make you want to be just like that! Ricky Hartpence and Troy Limperlee, for instance. Well, this friend of mine is the same way, (only maybe not hyper like Ricky and Troy).

Did you ever happen upon one of those people who has heat radiating out from every pore, warming everyone they come in contact with during the day? Like a compact version of your own personal invisible sun? You can almost see the little joy explosions erupting from their surface and the little baby magma splatters hit your arm and become instantly infectious rendering you powerless to stop their migration straight to your cold, hard, jaded innards.

There is nothing not to love about these guys. In a world overrun with life vampires who try to suck the wind out of your sails and the happy from your soul these sparkling gems of humanity are a rare and delightful find. Like the caramel milk chocolate prize in the fruity gel filled crapfest that is the Whitman Sampler.

When I find one of these people, I just marvel at their goodness and then I latch on to them and try to ride the well-tailored hem of their coattails for as long as humanly possible in the hopes that some of it rubs off on me.

Who wouldn’t want to be attached to someone who will fill your world with YES and can simultaneously override the inborn Moro reflex that tries to prevent you from taking the inevitable fall you will have when you let go of this fast-moving dynamo?

There are days I feel that only a truly industrial sized steel wool pad could scour the rot from my soul but then the invisible sun comes along and scorches it to ash with the blinding heat of positive thinking and the intensity of twin stars going super nova.

I am sad to say that I will probably never see this friend again, and I miss his personal radiation tremendously. I am trying to hold onto the rays of sunshine left in his wake, even though it feels like there's a giant black hole instead. Some people come into your life for only a short time, but even in that short time, they can make an immense impact on your life. Despite the void, I am determined to keep that light he gave me. I can't afford to lose it. It's like a gift, and I intend to invest it wisely.

The question is how do I keep that sunshine from fading? Is it possible for a person who was not born with that innate happy disposition to implant it within and make it radiate without? Can I be that kind of a person, even when the people around me hover like dark clouds threatening to crowd out my sunshine? According to David O. McKay, we can select the qualities we want to radiate by cultivating them within ourselves. My new goal is to cultivate happiness because I want to be that kind of person.