Scared of Each Other

I know that I am a very shy person. But I've noticed recently that it seems like everyone else is too.

On the first day of school, I found my classroom and discovered the teacher hadn't arrived yet to unlock the door. About 15 other students were sitting by the wall, all absorbed in their cell phones. One looked up when I walked by and I smiled at him. He went back to checking his cell phone and I sat on the floor a couple feet away. A miracle occurred! He put his cell phone away and said "hi" to me! Not a single other person looked at any other person. Okay, yeah, it creeped me out a bit when he chose the seat across from me and kept staring at me during class. But the fact remained that only one person had the courage to say "hi" to another person. And maybe he only had the courage because I smiled at him first. The other weird thing was that when the teacher gave everyone the opportunity to visit with each other and get to know one another, it was practically silent. Why was I, the most shy girl in the world, the one to do the talking?

Have you noticed that when you go to a movie theater or even to church, everyone leaves at least one seat in between parties? It is a pet peeve of mine that there are so many gaps between people that it leaves little room for parties to sit next to each other as they arrive later. Then they have to either squish together, break up their party, or ask people to scoot down so they can all sit in the same row. Now I admit I feel just like everyone else: I don't want to sit next to a stranger because that's like invading their personal space. But if I don't, I'm just as guilty as the next person leaving wasted space. So I've been trying to overcome my awkward shyness and just sit down next to that stranger, even if it makes them equally uncomfortable.

I took James to a performance at the Carver Cultural Center and sat down next to a woman I didn't know. Normally, this place gets so packed that if you don't have a reservation, they will turn you away. But there were about 5 seats in a particular row and I chose to sit down next to this woman, even though I could have left a space between us. But I figured that a party of 3 could fit on the end if they came in later, so I didn't leave that gap. And you know what? I ended up visiting with this wonderful black woman until the show started. I think she appreciated the fact that I sat down next to her instead of leaving that gap, like a neighbor that smiles and says "hi" instead of pretending not to see you. Sometimes, I wonder about people of different races being more afraid of each other than those of the same race. But my personal experience is that blacks are so much more approachable than whites. Is that weird?

On my runs in the morning, I often pass other walkers or joggers and, more often than not, they pretend not to see me. I have made a habit of smiling, saying hi, or at the very least, nodding my head when I pass them, even if they do not respond in kind. There is a black guy with a gleaming gold tooth that gives me an enormous smile every time I pass him. And one day, I ran into him at Walmart. At first, I didn't recognize him, but then he said, "you're that girl that runs all over the place!" Yep! That's me. And he's the guy who brightens my day with his happy head nod. It was like finding a dollar bill on the ground, something serendipitous and strangely sweet.

As scared as we all are of each other, I discovered that everyone really wants everyone else to acknowledge them first. I am not the only one holding my breath, hoping someone else will make the first move. And since I realized everyone else is just as scared as I am, it makes it so much easier to be the one to go first.