Update: Neighborhood Drama

James has been good about avoiding our neighbors for a while. I wasn't allowing them to play out front because the mean boys were always out there. And James needed time to let the issue settle. What a good sport: he'd been constantly playing out back dribbling his basketball or riding his bike on the grass. I felt bad for him, especially after finding out his new friend at school didn't want to play with him anymore.

So I asked James if he'd like to try again with Martin next door. His face lit up. We went over together and I had him invite Martin over when his mom answered the door. She was all ready to say yes when Martin, peering behind a wall in the living room, said he didn't want to. She looked back at him and then said, "Well, maybe later. He just started watching this movie."

Oh, no. I thought. I hope this isn't the beginning of The Excuses. We went through that for a month last year with Dane. Poor James would come home in tears after getting shot down every day.

Since the coast was clear... I mean, since the boys were not out front, I took my kids out there to ride their bikes. I'd put the run-behind-bar on the back of the tiny bike and pumped up the tires to start teaching Megan. (She did really well for her first day!) James was having fun riding his bike up and down and Isaac was content with his sidewalk chalk.


Out came Martin on his bike, and his mom came and sat in a chair in the driveway. Martin was nice enough to James, but he came over to me and said, "the people who own our house won't let us have anyone over, just our family... and Dane." (What a jerk, I thought. Oh well. If he doesn't want to be James' friend, it's best I know now.)

James was unaware of the comment so the boys were doing fine for about 15 minutes, until...

Dane came out of his house and ran over to their yard where Martin met him in whispers. Martin said he had to go in and use the bathroom, and when he came out, Spencer came with him. Dane and Spencer took off for Dane's house but the mom stopped Martin from following. He stamped his foot and said it wasn't fair.

I confronted Amy (the mom) again and told her that I didn't want her to force Martin to play with James. I'd rather they be up front about it now than create resentment in Martin for having to play with a boy he didn't like. She insisted Martin wanted to play. And whenever Martin played with Spencer and Dane, Martin always came home crying because the other two were ganging up on him.

Doesn't matter. The new family is caught in the crossfire. This drama is so stupid! As much as I hate the idea, Martin and Spencer are forced to take sides. And they chose Dane because he's more manipulative and bully-ish. Like some petty gossipy girl, he has poisoned them against James. (Isn't this awful? I said to Rex that Dane reminded me of Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter. He lit up and said "that's exactly it!" I feel so awful feeling like that about a little kid. I can't believe I dislike him so much.)

Amy even said that when the other kids (another neighbor Rebecca's grandchildren) came over that weekend, they were all talking bad about James. She said she got after her kids about how disappointed she was that they would listen to what others said about someone, that they should know better and judge for themselves instead of being swayed by others. She's especially disappointed that Spencer, a 4th grader, is being influenced by a 2nd grader (Dane).

When a girl accepts a date with a guy she doesn't want to go with, it's called a "mercy date." That's what I feel like Martin playing with James is. Even if the mom would rather her sons play with mine and it's all in good intention, I don't want making Martin do "mercy play-dates." I can just hear him in my mind saying to the kids on Sunday "Yeah, you know, my mom makes me play with that retard."

This is a nightmare. What do I do? I thought maybe we should have them over in our backyard this Saturday for a bbq. As much as I'm sure their parents would like that, I figure that will only make the boys more resentful and hateful, because then they wouldn't be able to go play with Dane and company out front....

Any suggestions?